Friday, December 1, 2023
Freeeeeeeeeeeedooooooooooooooooooooooooom! Not sure if I feel like William Wallace or Wham! But I do feel free.
After a brain busting day of writing Facebook and Instagram and LinkedIn posts for clients, I am delighted to say… I did it!
There are still approvals and a few loose ends but for the most part I have accomplished my goal. Enough to feel “done.”
I woke up this morning with a ridiculous sense of freedom. I still had yoga and Peloton to do, still had to make breakfast, lunch and dinner, still had laundry and phone calls and the mess of everything I’ve disassemble for the sake of organizing.
Still, in fact, had client work to do.
But there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
I woke up thinking, I have a month!
I woke up thinking, There is no pressure.
I woke up thinking, so this is what it feels like not to be utterly stressed out and behind the eight ball.
It has been such a worthy experiment that I’m thinking a week and a half of pain might be worth a month in the future.
The funny thing is how little things can make such a difference. I mean… do I have no work to do? No. Can I take an entire month off like a vacation? No. But the simple act of completing client work has freed up my mental space to such a degree that today seemed wholly doable.
I made pancakes, because I could. I washed the bed sheets, because I had time. I even took a shower and changed my clothes!
I took the time to send a snarky email to the people who charged me five times for the gift that never got ordered, and it felt great. I told them in no uncertain terms that I would never be doing business with them in the future. I suspect it mattered to them not at all, but I am free!
There are no groceries in my house and I couldn’t even make a sandwich for lunch so we skipped an entire meal, but I am free!
And if you thought that yesterday’s blog was deficient, this one is going to be worse. Because I am free. And I don’t have to think about what anyone else thinks or wants.
I did not make lists. I did not set new goals. I did not plan or set any expectations of myself whatsoever, even though that is what I usually do at the beginning of a new month. I merely decided…. I’m done.
There is an entire month ahead of me that is open to whatever I want to do. Sort of. But close enough.
I made a plan today, and decided that if I was done with client work by 5PM I would spend the rest of the night making cocktails.
Guess what I did by 4:57PM?
You will be happy to know that I have been experimenting with gingerbread cocktails. I made several with different ingredients in different proportions, none of which displeased either Ralph or myself.
I added Cynar to one, ancho liquor to another. I tried Christmas bitters I bought from Etsy and ginger bitters I made on my own.
At no point did I think about what I need to do tomorrow or whether there was something else I should be doing.
I’m thinking, even though I have just finished working, that I could get used to not working.
I feel like there is something existential to say about doing meaningful work vs necessary work but I’m four cocktails in and don’t care.
Here is what I care about: if I want to start another puzzle tomorrow, I can. If I want to call my mother and talk for an hour, I will. If I feel like organizing my closet, there’s time.
If it’s December and I just want to sit around making up gingerbread cocktails, who’s to say I can’t?
On January 2nd the chaos and madness will resume but for now…
Photo: If I’m going to be a bird, I might as well be a seagull on the beach. Perfect freedom.