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This post is part of my 2022 Word Project. You can read what that’s about here.

Thursday, February 10, 2022

I want to curl up in bed and stay there and stay there and stay there, but wait! I have a word project.

And the word is done.

I’m done.

Done thinking, planning, trying, working, running, going.

Today was torture. For various reasons of life and things and stuff, I got as close to a nervous breakdown as I ever want to be.

I’m fine, by the way. Ralph said the magic words.

Do you want to go to the range and shoot something?

Yes, yes I did.

Do you ever get to a point where you can’t even think straight enough to figure out how to help yourself? Cocktails proved insufficient. Meditation just stressed me out that I was sitting in one place for 30 minutes and not getting something done. I phoned in yoga so hard that it rang all the way in Montana.

By the time Ralph asked me what I wanted to do for dinner, all circuits shorted out. Which is when he opted for the range instead.

Good choice.

It’s usually not good form to shoot someone. But shooting the ever loving crap out of a piece of paper is incredibly satisfying.

Things that happened today: Photoshop crashed. Not just once, or once in a while, but every.time. Do you know how long it takes to output photos when Photoshop crashes after every one?

On any given day, this is just par for the course. Today, though, on days like today, these are the things that really frost your cookies.

Other things that happened: I was informed by someone in a very clever way that I am beyond useless.

The circumstances are irrelevant. The emotional fallout is real.

When Ralph asked me what I wanted to do for dinner, it was such a hard question that I cried.

So he took me to the range instead.

I put 200 rounds into a piece of paper in less than half an hour. Then I drank cocktails.

The good news is that both Ralph and I are making some substantial life changes to reduce the number of days like this one. We also have another thousand rounds in a box. I’m not complaining. I’m not even feeling bad anymore. I am done. But I still had the druthers to sit down and put a few words on the screen.

Druthers. Good word. [files it for next time].

You ever have such a bad day that by the end of it your brain turns into a smooth marble, where nothing can go in or out, nothing can stick, it all just slides off? That isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes your brain needs to be done, too.

Somehow, somehow, I feel pretty good that tomorrow is going to be better. My marble tells me so.

Photo: target form today’s trip to the range.